A Week Without Wanking... I didn't miss it

A discussion of my batorhood, my thoughts around it and what's coming next.

I didn't bate for a week, in May of all months. And I didn't miss it.

I know that sounds wild considering I've spent the last 3 years putting out podcast episodes that are pro-bating. This wasn't a conscious choice. I didn't start the week thinking, "I'm going to take a break from bating for a bit" or "I'm going to bate less." I actually had an episode scheduled detailing my intention to do that, but then it happened accidentally, or organically maybe. I had a bout of gastro that probably started it off. That meant a day in bed, and a day recovering, with no energy to think of my dick. From there I just got caught up in other work. I wrote a couple of chapters of each of my novels, editing some of my other podcasts and got into some of my sports coaching work. Then I realised I hadn't watched porn, entered a chat room, or stroked my dick in 5 days.

So then it got me to thinking. My impostor syndrome popped up just as quick and ugly as Beetlejuice and it had me thinking about what it is to be a bator. It's something I've thought about a lot over the journey. Not only the journey of this podcast but my life's journey since I discovered the wonders of self-pleasure.

I can't recall the exact moment when I discovered the term bator or the bator community. I've talked before about discovering JackinWorld in my late teens and then JackinChat not long after that. I don't think that introduced me to the term bator or a sense of community. JackinWorld provided a much-needed validation that what I was doing wasn't wrong or shameful, and that lots of other people were doing it too. It also broadened my idea about what I could do with my dick, and my hand, and I'll be honest, what I could do with some household objects. That led to a move from a guy that jerks off a lot to a guy who began to enjoy the many ways to achieve pleasure in a solo setting.

JackinChat allowed me to connect with people and chat about my jerking habits past and present, compared to their habits and interests and join them in a jerk and chat session or some cybersex roleplay. This led me to further realise that there's a lot of fun to be had solo, and that a lot of other guys have similar interests to me. It also really solidified for me the idea that the internet is a place to connect to people with similar interests, even if you can't find them in real life. That chatroom also started to fuel the creative side of my bate, I got more into roleplaying and it's probably a huge factor in me being an erotic fiction author today.

But neither of these spaces taught me what a 'bator' is or introduced me to the 'bator' community. I was still a guy jerking off when he wanted to, now just in different ways and for longer periods of time.

It would've been in my mid to late twenties that I discovered BateWorld. I had done more and more online jerking sessions with buddies, some regulars I had met through chat rooms. I'd done a few mic sessions and a few cam sessions and I realised I wanted to try that in person. So I sought out BateWorld. Still to this day I believe it's a clunky site that isn't awfully user-friendly, at least in my attempts at using it, but I messaged a few guys there and read through a few forums. I joined some groups and received some messages as well. But I never met anyone through the site and I didn't feel drawn to return to check my inbox or join in any group discussions on the forums. I still didn't get a sense of 'community' or connection with what was going on on the site.

In my late 20s I had a few buddy bate sessions. They were fun, but more and more those sessions moved to the bedroom and went a little, or a lot, further than just watching porn and stroking. I found those buddies from Grindr or Craigslist and found that a much more reliable source of hook ups at the time.

Through my 30s I continued with the online chatrooms and enjoyed many an edging session, chatting to someone about our shared interests or what we were doing with our cocks at the time. I continued to try and find bate buddies that would align with my interests but they became increasingly difficult to find. I went to Stroke, the now defunct jack off club in Melbourne. I went with the idea of meeting a friend I could bate with. I don't know if I misread the intention of the group or not but it didn't live up to my expectations. Initially I blamed the set up of the event, but the more I'm thinking about it recently the more I realise it was me. So MB Timothy if you're listening, don't take it personally. It's me not you.

All of that history is leading me to think more and more that I'm not a bator. I know now that there'll be listeners shocked to hear that and thinking that I'm talking nonsense. How can a guy who has spent so much of his time masturbating, talking about masturbating, writing about masturbating and connecting people together to masturbate not be a bator?

Here's my thinking behind that. If you look up Bator on urban dictionary, I know that's not the most credible of sources but it's one of the best we've got unfortunately, it says A term used to describe a person. An edger, gooner or solosexual. I'm one of those three things. In the Grindr dictionary, it's described as: People who tend to enjoy masturbating with others over penetration. I'm not that either. I've proven to myself over several years that my preferred hook up is penetration with another person, not masturbation.

If you spend any time on twitter looking at the bator influencers there, they talk mainly about solosexuality, gooning and compulsion. My life is a balance of solo sessions and partnered sessions, I've never gooned in my life and, as I stated at the start, I've gone days without wanking and not missed it.

I've struggled with reading twitter posts, Bateworld blogs or books that state that a bator needs to be all of the things that I've just mentioned. Especially when I don't really identify with any of them deeply.

So I'm not sure the bator term or bator community is for me. I don't seek out too much discussions of the ins and outs of my wanking habits. I have hardly been present even in the Discord server I started for this podcast. I'm now basically just a moderator, checking in occasionally to make sure everyone's behaving themselves. I have to say at this point though that everyone pretty much does behave. It's a great group and is going strong.

I don't feel the need to connect with other guys and bond over our love of wanking. This might sound contradictory considering I've spoken about it a lot on this feed but also encouraged people to talk about in their lives. I still do encourage it to be a topic of conversation but we know there are varying degrees of interest in different topics of conversation. I don't think it should be hidden. I just won't seek out a long and detailed chat about it. If it comes up it comes up.

While I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that 'bator' isn't a term that I really identify with, I do want to make it clear that I still identify with the Proud bit. I'm not at all ashamed that I enjoy masturbation as a hobby. I don't feel guilty when I do it and more and more I'm bringing it up in real-world conversations. With no shame, with no hushed undertones and with no escape plan in place.

I started this podcast as a means to put a little bit more conversation out there in the world when it came to masturbation. The aim was to reduce some of the shame and stigma that goes along with it. I think I've done that. The Proud Bators Discord server has close to 700 members who all connect over their shared batorhood. I've heard from listeners who have taken steps to be a little bit more 'out' when it comes to their own love of the bate. I've been more open myself when it comes to admitting that I do it and love it, to people who I had held back that part of my life from previously.

But now I'm not too sure if the way this podcast has run is necessary. I've heard regular guys talking about it, admitting to it without shame or guilt. I've heard more and more bators talking, more and more people accepting bator as a thing. The term side is growing in it's usage and acceptance. I've even discovered some new podcasts talking about bating.

So I'm going to be pressing pause on the Proud Bators project. Not that I'm not proud to enjoy myself and my dick. Not that I don't think you all should remain Proud Bators, but because I'm feeling like it's just not me and where my energies lie at the moment. I went a week without thinking or talking about masturbating. A week without grabbing my dick and watching porn. And I didn't miss it. It's the last thought in a long line of thinking that maybe I'm not the bator that I should be, if I'm even a bator at all.